One Year

As I was contemplating and drafting a blog to mark our first year in Midland, a friend who's an avid blogger and writes amazing looking recipes, shared on Facebook this post by Anna Aalard.  Anna and her family recently marked their first year in Cape Town, Africa, after uprooting themselves from America in an attempt to reset their lives.  Our adventure from Singapore to Midland has a lot less risk, took a lot less courage, but gave us experiences, helped us see in different ways, and made us realize many things that are similar to Anna's observations.  There's a whole different set of observations for the workplace, but since this is social media, here's the social slice of the picture.

1. You'll grow closer as a family unit

Unfortunately, the opposite can be true as well.  Fortunately for us, we enjoy each others' company, learned how we are growing and evolving, supported each other as we find our way in this new environment, and are exploring beautiful North America together. 

2. You'll learn to read social signals

The first thing we learned pretty quickly was that "Good!", "Great!", or "Never better!" are The Right Polite Responses to the questions of "How's it going?" or "How are you?".  In the Singapore office, such a question would stop us for a few minutes exchanging news about how the day's been - it would have been rude or felt insincere to give just a cursory reply because such interactions are connection points.  Of course, there are friends and colleagues here who truly meant to find out how things are going with us, and it's taken a while for us to read the signals right.  We still get it wrong :oP   

The same thing goes for signals about socializing - "We should have lunch/dinner/visit someplace together sometime" doesn't always mean that you should send a meeting request or set a date/time immediately.  People are just being nice and pleasant.  Wait for it to come up a few more times and if you're still not sure, wait for the other party to initiate.  It's like in Asia, people sometimes say "come visit us when you're free" - but it's just polite talk.

Needless to say, in the early months of trying to settle in and being eager to make friends, it can be unnerving.  Think of first days in schools or in a new job and the uneasiness of having no one to lunch with, except it was not just lunch, and you'll understand what went on here...

3. You'll build a social circle...eventually

So Midland is one of the best city for cyclists and when the weather got warmer, we were out on the rail trail cycling.  However, that's really not a social activity and unless you cycle in a pack, you don't need to do this in a group.  

My weekly pottery class is really a gathering of people de-stressing amidst a week of 'life' in general, and we don't have motivation to meet outside of class otherwise.

Eventually, Leon and I picked up tennis together because Midland really has one of the best tennis centers around.  And we got invited to join a league - that's when things became a bit different.  

We discovered post-game potlucks and booze.  Pubbing and drinking really wasn't our scene back home, but sitting around, having a beer or non-alcoholic drink, snacking on chips and dips, and shooting the breeze while cooling off just felt so very comfortable.  As we got better in tennis and knew more people, we got invited to join more games and the cycle goes on.

Some things just take time...especially getting to know people.  And we're not in a unique situation.  We've American colleagues who moved from other states or returned from assignments and it's not easy for them or their children either. 

But like Anna Aalard, we all make friends and we always keep seats at the table for anyone who needs a friend.  That's why I love it when Don, a colleague and friend, points new people in town my way.  Leon and I are always happy to pull anyone into our circle, for them to hang around until they find their own grove and go on their way...or choose to stick around.  

4. You'll become more self-assured...interspersed with moments of extreme self-doubt

On some days, I feel like a superhero, able to conquer anything.  On others, I don't even feel like a sidekick.  There are brilliant minds here, truly, and they've been bouncing off each other becoming better.  There are brilliant folks in Asia in similar roles too...it's just that instead of being scattered between buildings, it was a wee bit further - countries.  Being in a new role after doing similar stuff on varying scale for 7 years, performance anxiety is something I have had to deal with frequently.  This is sometimes compounded by the fact that I needed to figure out a network and various sources of information.  

As for Leon, he knew his stuff work wise, but he had to learn how things work and how to get things done here.  

Between the two of us, I guess there was more than enough cheering of each other to lift the Malaysia Cup a 100 times over!  

Things WILL and DO get better.

5. Homesickness goes away; but you don't stop missing those you love.

I don't know how many cycles of missing my sisters, nephew and friends I've gone through in the quiet of the night.  Then I run through the happy memories and fall asleep with a smile on my face...nowadays.  Those relocation professionals have this down to a science - we did feel most homesick when they said we would, and doing what they advised did help us deal with those moments.  So you learn what works to keep you close to each other - Leon Skypes almost weekly with his parents; I'm on Whatsapp almost daily with my sisters; I'm a serial Facebooker staying updated about home and also giving updates about us; plus the occasional phone calls which is very good for the soul.

Well, this one year has been so much fun when we look back.  Through it all, we've grown and mature, and realized how strong we actually are.  We've always wanted this experience and have been savoring everything it has presented, both good and the yet-to-be-good.  Anna Aalard puts it most eloquently when she wrote that: 

"The real big adventure is the thrill of a life (any life, anywhere) that’s lived honestly, deeply and with intention. This kind of life doesn’t avoid questions, risk or vulnerability."

And my less than eloquent version is just this - it feels great to be living each moment's full emotions and making active decisions, rather than just allowing ourselves to float along in life.  Things may not go our way, but we would have put in effort to try.  Here's to another, and more, eventful years.

Fall is upon us.  A year's complete.